I’m Still alive

Yes im alive I’ve been dealing with a lot school and work and just general stuff first week Anna was feeling down so cheering her up then I had a really shit week it started with my bed breaking and the mattress being fucked up and not getting sleep due to letting Anna have the only spot on the couch that you can sleep on then just small stuff to add on top of that along with dealing with self-blame and a little bit of depression

Wolf and Anna both tried to cheer me up as I did for Anna and even Wolf at times they made me feel better but good news I beat my record in cricket since its our first real game this season I got 110 not out which is good I was doing what is excepted of an opening batter but today was hot as fuck  about 38 degrees Celsius sweat was pouring out of my helmet and I went through three pairs of batter gloves due to if it’s too wet it gets itchy and un comfortable  so yeah tomorrow another day it’s going to be hot as well

My birthday is next week on Friday I don’t celebrate it but Anna and Wolf wants too I don’t get why im done im going surfing to cool off and just relax so yeah

Have a good one

What to talk about

This will be random abit things are getting better with well what happened but it will take a lot of time to have what happened heal but that’s not what I want to talk about I’ve been noticing people talking about past lives well I don’t have experience in this I don’t know if I had a past life or it’s my first go around and if I did have a past life I have no clue who I was what I did or anything but I do find it interesting to think about I like to think about stuff like that

What else I’ve been thinking about my future what will I do I was trained to be a warrior yet im thinking of going on another path but what im stuck on this I have no fucking clue I know im going to be with Wolf and Anna that’s all I know and want in the future but what about a career I just don’t know I think something in science I like science or history

Wolf has been overly affectionate more than usual im starting to feel her emotions a lot more I feel when she is happy when she is angry and when she is sad im getting better at it which is great we are being linked even more Wolf said she feels the same things I do but a lot stronger than I can feel her emotions but she can feel mine and I can feel hers that’s the main thing our ladies are more linked to us then we even know

Im getting better at remembering my dreams Wolf does not like to influence them often but when she does it is always to show and teach me something teaching me to value what I have has been a key feature with my dreams along with some stuff about Anna and Wolf how much they love me and care about me and other stuff with them they were to make me feel not so alone

Lastly Wolfs pack some are coming here and staying for days at a time they love being here and here not to protect just to chill they are very chill beings some have been following me to school which is cool they are very hardcore on my learning because of them I don’t get distracted because of them when I get distracted they step in and make me pay attention to my work which is weird they think it’s important its kinda funny they are just nice, cool, caring and loving beings

So yeah told ya it was random

Have a good one

Wolf was angry at me

Ok it’s been a week since I felt like I closed myself off to Wolf and Anna and well it’s a mix of that and me not taking my physical health seriously I went for a run well not best idea I know since I could have pulled my stiches out but when I was done I felt like my leg was on fire and Wolf got angry that I was that stupid that I would risk my health she wants me to heal

So we argued and she said something about me closing myself off I think it was Wolf being frustrated about it but yeah she left for a little bit just came back about 2 hours ago but today I felt as if my heart was tearing I don’t know how Wolf does that but she is damn good at it  but when she got home we talked about it the whole thing her me and Anna I feel a thousand times better granted there is still those questions what if and some self-blame and other things but better

Each time we deal with something like this be it my problems or Anna’s and even Wolfs I feel closer to them we are all their for each other I think that’s the main thing they worry about me and I worry about them but we are happy and all that stuff

That’s me

Have a good one

Dealing with stuff

Lack of posts this week a lot of stuff has been happening but I’ve been dealing with stuff all of it has been what if I feel like I should have been able to save that kid and put I had school this week and having to hide and cover what’s wrong it’s been difficult I have trouble communicating what is wrong to Ann and Wolf I’ve been in a way closing myself off I know it hurts both Anna and Wolf

Today I had to hand in my report on that whole situation which brought up a lot I’ve been keeping in and making me relive that whole thing which hurts Wolf today told me to make a post saying it will help me I don’t know how to feel I feel angry at myself I should have been able to do something Wolf even tho I have no opened up to her has been great same with Anna they have not pushed me or anything just being there helps a lot

I’ve seen death I’ve seen some pretty horrible stuff but this is the worst im not usually phased by death but this I can barely handle it im going insane but Wolf and Anna have really helped me but I just can’t talk about it I don’t know what to say all I feel is there was something I could have done and it’s those thoughts  but the past few days ive been feeling like the wall stopping me from opening up to Wolf and Anna has been crumbling but holding on to this will destroy me but I don’t know if I can open up about it yet

But yeah that’s me

Have a good one

Today well ill explain

My brothers car is still in panel beaters shop the panel beater is a drug addict anyway its been like 6 months and he started threating my brother saying he will take his car and sell it and been harassing my brothers girlfriend so I went there with my brother around 1:30 and well I didn’t go all that well  we go into an altercation my brother payed him for the time which was 150 bucks and I was going to take the keys to my brothers car

Anyway my back was turned the panel beater hit me in the back with a tire iron fuck it hurt I turned around and well it got out of hand I disarmed him and kicked the weapon away the guy can punch like a truck but so can I and well it was a punch on and I ended it by getting him in a sleeper hold it got up a few moments later and it had a sharp object and I moved back and it got me in the leg then police arrived and well I got him and started punching him you wanna stab me and police showed up and I got off I learnt not to resist I still had the object in my leg and I got taken to the hospital stitched up and taken to police station and I just got home its 7pm I got no charges all self defence

Hes being done for assault with a deadly weapon and a bunch of other charges Wolf when I got home has been very loving and her hands have been on my back and leg as im writing this all ended well my brother got his car the guy is in trouble and yeah its been a bad day but im always there for family and willing to take a few wounds for them because I know they would for me good news Wolfs healing works the stiches are out of my head which in a couple of weeks its well yeah I really got to stop doing things like this in the sense of getting hurt I worry wolf and Anna to much

Have a good one

Random thoughts and things

Well today I met an old teacher which was interesting I was coming out of the super market and she was like your still alive I said yeah and im engaged going back to school I got off drugs and all that she said “who are you engaged too… stupid question its Anna isn’t it” I did say how she knew and she was like “the way she looked at you in class how she followed you around and other things” but it’s kinda good I met my old teacher that taught legal studies in high school  it’s been a long time lol am I the only one who didn’t notice that Anna liked me god if I knew back then I would have taken that chance

I was talking to Anna after that about high school she said “I felt so alone when you left” I did say you have matt that’s was kinda a stupid comment Anna said “it was not you and matt only helped me because of you” I know that matt thinks Anna as a sister and would die for her and me as well we continued talking about stuff and Anna said about my mum “I wish I knew then to get you out of that environment” and also I wish you never found drugs and alcohol” what Anna sometimes does not understand is that those events forged me into the man I am today

After last post I do fear one thing losing Anna and Wolf that is the only thing in this life I fear they have that kinda impact on me and it’s something I can’t get rid of I think it’s a good thing and as I type this Wolf is like Awwwwwww so now Wolf knows that well I guess she did to begin with

So yeah that’s me done I got to get some sleep

Have a good one

Me going to teach whaa

I went for dinner at Anna’s mums house with well my family too for reason I have explained why they are my family too anyway we were eating dinner and the power went out and it was pitch black Anna’s little sister Lisa is terrified of the dark for some reasons I don’t want to get into since it is private and others too

Anyway she held on to me thinking I’ll keep her safe and that’s ok im like a big brother to her anyway when the power came back on she was in tears but later she asked my why im not afraid of the dark well interesting thing my dad use to tell me darkness is your friend and use it to your advantage I use to have a fear of monsters in the dark my dad said the monsters can’t see you because its dark a year later I realised humans are real monsters but its true use the darkness to your advantage if anything in there its dark and can’t see you and you can train yourself to have better night vision I learnt to use darkness now im a weapon in the light and dark which is handy if someone tries to break in but also in the dark all your other senses come to play and you need to learn to tap into them slightest noise can make me pin point where you are in a dark room but also tell me if it’s a trick

So I told her that and fear is a state of mind fear is your father putting you in the middle of the Australian bush with things that will kill you and it being pitch black that’s how I truly conquered it since that in the middle of the night I realised fear is nothing that’s why I fear no man and nothing I think it’s kinda stupid fear is good and bad thing I had fear I’ve felt fear and the dark entity and later entities like to put me to back then were I was that age where I was fearful yet now I look at it I don’t fear

Anna tho wants me to teach her how not to be afraid of the dark well its hard but can be done how I learnt was a baptism by fire so I have to lessen it by a ton in order to help her my father blind folded me and taught me to use hearing and smell to figure out where he was and I remember when we sparred and I beat him blindfolded it was a great moment see I can do that how ???? I figure it out I will have to put her alone in a dark room eventually maybe teach her with me with her the first few times and then eventually leaving the room and some surprise her with a dark room

When dealing with fear I do believe in throwing myself or another in the deep end but shes 12 plus Wolf and Anna would kill me in a put her in the middle of the Australian bush in pitch blackness lol granted my dad now I think about it not that far away like I said ill figure it out

I use to be normal person with fear now nothing makes me feel fear you could stick me in the middle of the ocean with sharks circling and I would not feel fear I don’t fear death and don’t fear evil entities or people I remember another time I use to fear heights and my dad took me up in a plane and gave me a parachute and told me to jump after that I didn’t fear heights I could go on for days but teaching is not my thing but I learn how to teach her not to fear the dark but it will be slow since I don’t want to scar her lol and again Wolf and Anna would kill me

That’s me any suggestions please tell me

Have a good one